Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Another Dumb American Decision

A few years ago, the city of Paris hosted an international conference for engineers from around the world.  On the second day of the conference, the engineers were informed that the coast of Japan had been hit be a massive tsunami.

While eating their lunch, the engineers listened intently to the radio broadcasts coming in and learned the President of the United States had made a decision to deploy two US aircraft carriers to Japan.

Immediately, many of the European engineers began to chuckle.  Finally, one French engineer said, "How dumb is that?  The President of the United States is sending two aircraft carriers to Japan.  What does he intend to do, bomb the Japanese during this natural disaster?"

An engineer from the Boeing corporation who was attending this conference and seated at an adjoining table heard this comment and leaned over toward the table of European engineers and said, "All American aircraft carriers have three hospitals on board which can treat up to five hundred people per day.  They are all nuclear powered so they can supply unlimited emergency electrical power to facilities on shore.  Each ship has three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 6,000 people three meals a day for up to 90 days without the need to resupply."

He then went on to say that every carrier is equipped with a sophisticated desalination system that can produce over 40,000 gallons of fresh water a day from seawater.  He also pointed out that all US carriers sail from port with a minimum of six helicopters on board and noted that these helicopters can fly injured citizens back to the ship for medical attention or can transport victims to higher grounds if necessary.

When he finished, he looked at the table of European engineers who scoffed at how dumb it was for the Americans to deploy two aircraft carriers into a natural disaster area then ended by saying, "America has eleven such ships; just how many similar ships do your countries have?"

The European engineers just sat silent and laughed no more.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Give`em Only What They Need

A young Minister and his family were transferred to a small rural community.  On the eve of his first Sunday, a major snow storm hit the area.  When he and his family awoke on Sunday morning, there was nearly three feet of snow outside. "Do you think we’ll be able to have a service today?" his wife asked.

"Quite honestly, no," he replied.  "I just don't see how anyone will be able to make it to church through all this snow."

Well, two minutes before the start of the scheduled service, a loud engine roar was heard in the distance.  When the family ran to the windows, they saw a farmer driving his big John Deere tractor and he was heading straight for the church. When the farmer arrived in front of the church, he jumped down off the seat.

The Minister ran out to greet him and the farmer said, "Reverend, I hope you don’t mind me driving my tractor this morning, but I just couldn’t make it through all this snow with my car."  Then the farmer realized the parking lot was empty and he was the only person at the church.

"Maybe you weren’t planning on holding services today?" he inquired.
"Not at all.  We are glad you are here, please come in.  We would be delighted to hold a service for you," replied the Minister.  As they walked into the church, his wife began to play the organ and his children, who were sitting in the choir loft, began to sing.

About an hour and a half later when the Minister finished his sermon, he walked to the back of the church, stood by the door and personally thanked the farmer for attending his first service in his new community.  Curious as to how he did, the Minister asked the farmer, "Did you enjoy the service this morning?" 
"I sure did," said Farmer Brown, "but to tell you the truth Preacher, it may have been just a bit too much."

"Too much?" replied the Minister.  "What do you mean, too much?"
"Well you see Preacher, I am just a simple farmer. The only responsibility I have is to feed my cows when they come home from the fields each night.  Once in a while after a big storm like this, only a few cows will make it back to the barn. Whenever that happens, I never ever give them the entire load of hay. I only give 'em what they need."