Mayor Avoids Tragedy With Help of Township Officer

A local city Mayor narrowly escaped injuries this past weekend as the result of a quick-thinking township officer who was on the scene. We were informed that the Mayor was attempting to mount a horse - a small golden palomino - even though he had never ridden a horse before.    

Bystanders at the scene confirmed that as the mayor was positioning himself in the saddle, the small palomino unexpectedly bolted and took off in a full gallop. Startled by the horse's unexpected actions the Mayor lost control of the reins and began to slide out of the saddle. To stop his sliding, the mayor attempted to grab the horse’s mane but no matter how hard he pulled the Mayor could not stop his downward decent.

Frantic that he would fall under the horse’s galloping hoofs, the Mayor threw his arms around the horse’s neck and held on tight but even then he continued to slide out of the saddle. The horse meanwhile was totally oblivious to the mayor’s plight and continued to gallop at full speed.   

Realizing it was just a matter of time before he would fall off the horse and land under the horses legs, the Mayor decided to leap from the horse and throw himself to safety. Unfortunately, his foot got entangled in one of the stirrups making it impossible to jump from the horse.

Just moments before falling completely off the horse, a local township officer from a nearby community who was entering Wal-Mart at that time saw the Mayor’s plight and quickly ran over to his aid. She unplugged the cord and assisted the Mayor in getting down from the horse.  She then checked him for any injuries. Though the Mayor was considerably shaken up by this horseback riding ordeal, he appeared unhurt - so the township officer left and entered Wal-Mart to continue on with her shopping.

The County / City Administrator's (Managers's) Story

It's not the County (or the City) Administrator's/Manager's place to run the train and the whistle he or she cannot blow;

It's not in his or her place to say how far the train is allowed to go.

It's not the County (or City) Administrator's/Manager's place to shoot off any steam; or even cling the bell;

But should the damn thing jump the track, just see who catches hell.

Are You Cutting Ham or Making a Difference?

It was Christmas Day and Suzie's Mother arose early to start the holiday meal.  Suzy heard Mom in the kitchen and ran down to join her.  As Suzy watched, Mom took a large ham from the refrigerator, unwrapped it, and placed it on a cutting board.  She then took a knife and cut a thick slice off each end of the ham.

 

"Why did you do that, Mom?" Suzy asked. 

"Do what?" Mom replied. 

"Cut those slices off the ends of the ham", Suzy commented.

"Well dear, I learned that from my Mother." Every Christmas my mother cut thick slices off the ends of her ham and she would save them for later.  

"Why?" Suzy asked.  

"I don't know.  It was just a family tradition I guess", Mom said.

A few hours later Grandma arrived.  Suzy walked over and said, "Grandma, this morning I watched Mommy prepare the ham and Mom cut thick slices off the ends of the ham.  When I asked her why, she said because that’s the way you always made a ham."

"Well Suzy", Grandma said.  "When I was a little girl just like you, I would watch my Mother make the holiday dinner and the first thing she always did was cut thick slices off the ends of the Christmas ham.  She did that every Christmas, so it was only natural that I kept up this special family tradition; and now, thank goodness, your Mother is keeping up this wonderful tradition.  Just think, when you get older you can keep up this family tradition as well."

Later that afternoon, Great Grandma arrived.  Once she was comfortably seated on the couch, Suzy sat next to her and commented, "Great Grandma, this morning I watched Mom prepare the Christmas ham and she cut a thick slice off from each end of the ham because that was the way Grandma made her Christmas ham.  When I asked Grandma why she cut slices off the ends of the ham she said because you always cut thick slices off the ends of your Christmas hams. Why do we have this family tradition?"

"Well Suzy", Great Grandma began, "Mommy and Grandma might have gotten this a little wrong.  Yes, I always did cut a thick slice off each end of our Christmas ham but that was not any special family tradition.  You see, when your Great Grandfather and I first got married, we were very poor and all we could afford was a small stove.  The only way I could fit a Christmas ham in our small oven was to cut off thick slices from each end."

The New Year is now in full swing and March is the perfect time to review all your existing business practices, organizational policies and family rules. Are they really necessary, or are you just cutting ham?

For more great ideas, just visit Pearls of Wisdom

Can You Really Make a Difference?

A young couple from Oregon decided to go to Spain for their honeymoon.  They had an extremely long day and their  flight arrived late at night.  Exhausted from their travel, they immediately checked into their hotel and went directly to bed.

During the night a violent storm erupted.  When they awoke the next day, they had their coffee on the balcony.  Below they saw the terrible damage the storm caused during the night.  The husband suggested they get dressed and walk along the beach.

As they walked down the beach, they saw damaged palm trees and enormous amounts of debris strewn all over; however, the one thing that amazed them most were the hundreds of sea creatures that had been washed up on the shore.

As they continued their walk, they noticed in the distance a man dancing.  As they got closer to him, they realized he wasn’t dancing; rather he was bending over and picking up starfish which he then tossed back into the sea.

As the young couple approached him, the young groom asked, "Excuse me sir, what are you doing?" 

 

The elderly Spaniard replied, "Last night, as you can see, there was a terrible storm and all these starfish were cast up on the shore. It’s early now, 7:00 am, but by 10:00 am when the sun is high in the sky, these starfish will all die unless they are put back into the ocean."

The young man looked back down the beach, then up the beach.  There were literally thousands of starfish on the sand.  He looked back at the old Spaniard and said "Senor, there is no way you are going to get all these starfish back in the ocean in the next few hours." 

The old man bent down, picked up another starfish, threw it back into the ocean and said, "I know." 

 

"Then why in the world are you doing this if you know it won't make a difference?" asked the groom.

The old man stooped down, picked up another starfish and tossed it back into the ocean.  Then he turned to the young groom, smiled and said, "Because I know it definitely made a difference for that one."

There is One Difference



A man died in a violent car accident and found himself standing in front of the Pearly Gates.   Before him stood St. Peter reading from The Book of Deeds.   When St. Peter finished his reading, he closed the book, looked at the man and said, "Your life has not been the best, yet on the other hand, it was by no means the worst.  Where would you prefer to spend your eternity - Heaven or Hell?"

"You mean we have a choice?" asked the man.

 

"Not always, but in your case since your deeds are right on the border, I will make an exception", St. Peter replied.

The man thought silently then asked, "Could I see both Heaven and Hell before I choose?"  St. Peter thought that was an excellent idea and agreed.   He led the man down a hallway that ended with two doors - one was labeled Hell, the other labeled Heaven.   St. Peter pointed to the door labeled Hell and said, "Feel free to go on in."

The man pushed on the door and immediately heard beautiful music playing.  When he entered Hell, he saw a huge banquet hall filled with thousands of long wooden tables.  People wearing beautiful silk robes were seated at the tables.

On each table were large baskets full of fresh fruit and platters made of gold piled high with delicious foods from around the world.   As he walked through Hell, he noticed something odd.   Every person seated at the tables had large wooden knives and forks strapped to their forearms.   The knives and forks were at least three feet long, making it impossible for anyone to eat the food that was placed before them.

When he left Hell, St. Peter pointed to the door labeled Heaven.   As the man pushed open Heaven's door, he once again heard beautiful music.   Upon entering Heaven, he again saw a large banquet hall full of long wooden tables. Again all the people, exquisitely dressed, were sitting at the tables.   On each table again were baskets of fruit and platters of fine foods.  Finally, he noticed that all the people in Heaven also had large three foot wooden knives and forks strapped to their forearms.

Upon stepping back in the hallway, St. Peter asked, "Well, you have seen them both.  Are you ready to make your decision?" 

 

"Well," said the man, "There really doesn't seem to be that much difference between the two; however, I did notice one odd thing."

"What was that?" inquired St. Peter.

 

"Well, the people in Hell all look sad; their bodies are gaunt and frail as if they were all starving. Yet the people in Heaven are laughing and smiling and all look happy, well nourished and healthy. How could that be, St. Peter?  Everything appears to be equal?"

Enthusiasm vs. Experience

One day a huge US Air Force cargo plane was lumbering across the sky over the Pacific Ocean.  It was on its way to a remote Air Force Base in the Philippines.  Out of nowhere came a small jet aircraft streaking across the sky; the young jet jockey wanted to show off his flying skills for his cargo hauling colleagues.

The young pilot flew his smaller craft alongside the bulky transport, came on the radio and said to the transport pilot, “Watch this!”  Immediately the jet pilot went into a steep climb soaring up several thousand feet.  He then nosed his plane down and did a series of spectacular barrel rolls.  After leveling off in front of the cargo plane, he ignited his afterburners and shot across the horizon creating a loud sonic boom.  Finally he returned alongside the transport and asked, “Well what did you think of that?”

The older cargo pilot said, “Very impressive.”

 

“Well old man, show me what you can do with that garbage bucket you are flying.” 

 

“Okay watch this,” said the cargo pilot!  The jet jockey maintained his air speed alongside the cargo plane and waited.  For five minutes, the cargo plane rambled along.  Then the pilot came on the air and said, “Well son, what did you think of that?”

Puzzled, the young jet jockey asked, “What the heck did you do?”

 

The seasoned cargo pilot said, “Well, let’s see.  First, I took off my seat harness.  I then stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the plane, said hi to all the crew members, picked up an updated weather forecast, went to the restroom, washed my face, combed my hair, poured a cup of coffee and picked up a cinnamon roll.  I am now seated back behind the controls enjoying a nice cup of coffee and a delicious roll.”

The moral to this story – When one is young and inexperienced, speed and flash are the preferred methods to get a job done.  However, when one matures and acquires wisdom, comfort and dullness are generally the best way to perform most jobs.

Around The Corner

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end.
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.

And I never see my old friend's face,
For life is a swift and a terrible race.
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.

And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.

"Tomorrow," I say! "I will call on Jim,
Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram Sir, Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end,
For around the corner I have a vanished friend.